My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
