I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
