You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
