I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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