I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
