What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
