Your dad touched me again.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
