you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
