We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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