How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
