Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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