true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
