I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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