he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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