Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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