Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sober January is a disaster.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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