I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
