trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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