Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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