After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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