I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
