I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
