seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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