Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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