His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
