It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize