I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
