It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
