why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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