Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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