I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
