It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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