somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
