It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
