it hurts more in the daytime
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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