hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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