shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
