Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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