She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
