K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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