I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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