They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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