I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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