I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
