you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
