i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Even my vagina gasped.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
