Can Purell be used as lube?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
