I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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