no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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