Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
