He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
