OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
