Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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