White coat. Heels.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
