Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
