He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
