I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
