I am puke
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
