i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have post one night stand depression
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
