You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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