put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
