Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
