like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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