My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
