i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
