i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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