so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
