Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
