We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
