I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The best revenge is premature balding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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