Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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